Hart Journeys

As a group facilitator, retreat leader and women's tour guide, I'm used to planning and preparing all the actions, processes and details. I'm used to listening to your story while I think about when lunch will arrive. I can talk about the history of goddesses in Ireland while plotting out the route to the next stop. When I'm with a group I am never really off. I am never focused on just that moment. My Maui Passage was a huge opportunity for me!

As a traveler I made my way from the Sacramento airport to Honolulu on Hawaiian Airlines, shuttled to the inter-island terminal and caught my flight to Maui. I carried my own bags, bought my own coffee, water bottles, and snacks, talking to few people but the TSA folks and cashiers. When I landed in Maui I made my way to baggage claim as instructed and looked for the guy holding the sign. Side note: haven't you always wanted to have the guy holding the sign for you? Loved it! He took my bag and another staff member put a beautiful, fragrant lei around my neck. We waited for my one checked bag which he hoisted off the carousel and carried to a waiting van. My bags were loaded and I was handed into the van. We soon arrived at the Maui Lu Hotel where I was greeted and checked in with an offer to deliver my bags to my room. I had arrived earlier than the 3:00 PM start so I offered to help. "Feel free to relax, unpack or go to the beach," was the reply.

And so it went for the entire week. Each night we were given the times of morning yoga and circle and the time to be at the van. There was a copy of each day's agenda in the hospitality suite. I only had to shepherd my personal items noting whether to bring my swimsuit, a sarong or my journal, water shoes or hiking shoes. The biggest decision was which van and which seat to choose for that leg of the day's journey.

Can you hear me sigh a huge "Ahhhhhhh"? No! Of course not! I worried about fresh water (taken care of), what I would eat and when (three huge meals a day, snacks in each van, and the option of squirreling away snacks from each meal.) I worried about the circle topics, learning the hula, what would I say, what would my fellow travelers say. I was lost as to how to be truly "in a group." To be a member, to be myself, to show my true self.

By Tuesday I had an enormous headache. Tuesday dinner I stayed in my room. Our leader, Cher, came and talked to me, encouraging me to do whatever I needed to do in that moment. My roommate, Karren Louise, gave me a massage. It was then I realized that there was nothing I had to do. Simply to follow my heart and my gut in each moment. To make my own choices about what was best for me. In my own work I plan so intricately so that participants feel safe to be themselves and focus on the experience. The Peaceful Woman team had done all of this for me. No detail was left undone. I began to trust the process, to truly engage with my TPW sisters and to honestly see and appreciate myself.

On Tuesday, in Maui, I lost control and gained so much more.